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| Dying for something R-E-A-L |
The invitations I have been designing with an invitation printing business for my sisters 21st birthday party, arrived a few weeks ago. They look amazing. :)
(I RECOMMEND ‘WET DOG’ TO ANYONE WHO IS NEEDING INVITATIONS FOR ANYTHING PRINTED – THEYRE AMAZING!! CHECK OUT THEIR WEBSITE AT www.wetdog.com.au)
I have been working on the mailing labels to go onto the black envelopes – I've printed them to add some flare. and I thought it would be cool to add a spoon full of glitter and 21 confetti into the envelopes as well. As I sat at the kitchen bench mixing the confetti in with the different colored glitters i was watching the confetti get covered with the 3 different colored glitters, watching speck by speck of the glitter stick to the confetti i became mesmerized.
I didn't see confetti and glitter. I saw people…. and the people who have become apart of their lives… and i realized – some stick… others fall away.
When I shared my idea with my sister, she expressed a flaw that my idea had – which i didn't even think about. “wont the glitter stick to the invitation??”
these invitations look hot – no way am i ruining them for a bit of sparkle.
So as i spoke to my dad about Nicole's concern, i was thinking “i should have spoken to her about this before i mixed it all together”.
But my very smart dad was thinking outside the box “we’ll just wash the glitter off of the confetti”. My dad went to the Tupperware cupboard and pulled out the strainer. Then picked up the container of glitter and confetti and walked to the sink. he poured the glitter and confetti into the strainer…turned the tap on…and put the strainer under the tap…i watched as the water poured over the confetti….spoon full upon spoon full, glitter was washed down the drain… My dad began to shake the strainer to loosen the stubborn specks of glitter that refused to be washed down the drain.
Again, i wasn't watching glitter wash down the drain. I was watching a force of determination push the fake people and the real people from the people who have become blinded by the pretenders and have now evidently become uncertain on who and what is real… therefore as the determination pushes the fake and the real from those who have become uncertain, only the real will put up a fight to remain apart of your world and hold on….right??
The truth is, these days… how do we know who’s real?
Lately, i have been feeling like i am surrounded by more and more people who are only pretending to be a friend…only pretending to care. for what reason, i have no idea. Maybe to sugar coat my feelings so that when they tell me they don't like me, it wont hurt so much.
But they don't tell me they don't like me.
Instead they dig for information or gossip… and at first – i was happy to share. but now…. NO!!!
why should i share my life with those who suddenly decide to care? why should i open up about my private life to those who suddenly have something to talk to me about?
My relationship status changes from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’ and I'm suddenly cool enough to hang out with again… I get a boyfriend and its assumed I've had sex with him… I'm suddenly worth speaking to again??
Half the people who have suddenly found time to speak to me again, i haven't heard from in years. Because they’ve had the boyfriends….they’ve had the sex….they’ve been too busy out partying, getting drunk, and hooking up…..I haven’t. I really feel like, in those times of partying, getting drunk, and hooking up – i was the one pretending. I have never been a big drinker. Yes okay, occasionally i feel like having a few and going out. But not every weekend…not on a regular occasion.
I guess the truth is…I've never really been into all of that. I don’t believe in relying on a man to make you happy. I believe you make your own happiness. I don’t feel that travelling is all about partying all over the world and hooking up with a different guy from every country… I feel travelling is about experiencing what the world has to offer me, embracing different cultures and different people and ultimately learning from them.
Some people believe I'm living in…what was it they called it…… “a fantasy world, with my head up in the clouds”…
Why should I lower my ideas of life and how i dream of living it and give up on the dream that i will make my dreams a reality, just because someone else doesn’t agree??
When I first met Liam, i wasn’t even thinking “this is a guy i could get into a relationship with”…he was just someone new that i met. Someone different to talk too. And now… after talking with him for months…introducing him to some of my friends and my family…attending a friends wedding with him by my side as my date…. sitting on the beach watching the waves break on the rocks….. watching the little fish freeze at the sound of your feet moving through the water…. I can say with confidence that I have been in a relationship with this man for 3 weeks. And I'm not getting cold feet. LOL for the first time ever, i don't want to bail.
Granted this whole long distance thing is a lot harder than i thought it would be. And I know I'm only 20… and he's 5 years older than me with 3 kids…i know its a lot. and it does become overwhelming. But for once, i want to share my world with someone.
Only downside to finally wanting to open my world up enough to invite someone in – he’s not close enough to enter. I have always seen technology as a privilege … a luxury if you will… But unfortunately these days… As the 20 hour drive remains between us… I feel myself becoming frustrated at the reality of relying on technology to be apart of this relationship I so whole heartedly want to be apart of… is it possible to resent technology?? How can you be apart of something that feels like, a title. He has become one of my best friends. the one i want to call when something good – and not so good happens in my world… and yet, in order for me to share my world with him – i must rely on technology that allows his voice to be at the other end when i want to share it.
I don't have the luxury of being able to see my boyfriend whenever i want to, to go out to dinner with him, to order a pizza and chill with a movie and cuddles on the couch with him, i don't even have the simple luxuries i used to take for granted – like going to the movies… or shopping for food… or just going for a drive… or to just simply – to have him look into my eyes, and kiss me because he can – I don't have any of those luxuries…
I tell you this now… if you have the one who care about – just a drive away – even if it is a couple of hours, or 10 minutes.
DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED!!! ENJOY-EMBRACE-CELEBRATE!! you don't know how lucky you are.
I am often scared about sharing my thoughts and feelings with him – or anyone. As it is when i was first contemplating being with him, i knew a long distance thing was apart of the package… and i had so many people repeatedly tell me “long distance doesn't work- don't bother” … so why would i want to share my thoughts now?? just to have them make me feel like shit and feel like I'm alone??? why would i open myself up to that?? Breaking up – or calling it quits is not even an option!! i don't even think about it. I don’t exactly want my friends making it an option… I really like this guy. He means the absolute world to me. just because its a little hard sometimes (mainly at night) doesn't mean I'm about to throw it away. If this is making any sense…
I haven’t written in so long… I haven’t been allowing myself time to write lately… maybe its fear of the unknown…truth is – i never plan what im going to write, the words write themselves.
I have been wondering something… why is it expected that I am the one who has to pick up the phone to say hey or organize catch up?… what your fingers don’t work?? You have my number too….hell – an email would be sufficient. But no, instead – i get bombarded with “why haven't i heard from you? what you don't have time for me anymore” from all angles of the dinner table.
What ever happened to friendships and relationships being a two-way street?? Why has everyone become so lazy and placed all the expectations onto the other person??
Grrrrrrr. I’m so sick of lazy people. and fake people.
How do we sift through the fake people and find who’s real?? I feel like I'm constantly being surrounded by … what's the word for them…. friends of convenience. Who aren’t really friends at all? Just people who focus of gossip… and only call you a friend for convenience. I give my all in everything i do, including friendships…and now – this relationship I am in. But should it continue if its only a one-way street??
I hate how people hide behind a title.
When someone gives you the title of friend, Good Friend, Close friend, and especially best friend and girl friend/ boyfriend … Its more than just a title. These people who have given you that title generally believe you are a good friend, Close friend. For me to be called a best friend is one of the greatest honors a person can give me.. Same thing, when Liam told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend, i was honored – this great guy wants to share his world…with me?? WOW!!! When Bec asked me to stand up next to her, and become Tisha’s god mother – I was honored!!!! to be all of these things are more than just a title. Its a compliment…and honor…and a something i personally choose to embrace. Very rarely do you find someone who truly wants you to be apart of their world.
Its a compliment.
A friendship…A relationship… is a two way street!!! And as far as I'm concerned…if you can’t be bothered to step up and be apart of my world…perhaps pick up the phone once and a while and see how I'm going – rather than kicking up a stink because i haven't called you… delete me as a contact right here – right now!! I do not have room for pretenders in my world!! Life is too short to waste it on fake people and all their bullshit.
Unfortunately, sifting through what's real to what's fake – is a lot harder than running some glitter and confetti under the tap.
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