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As you know by now, I had my first visit with a therapist this week…it went well, it was interesting. I like her, but in some ways I’m a little cautious…it’s hard to tell someone, anyone everything! I only had an hour; not nearly enough time to say everything, to tell all that needed to be said…so it was a brief overview of the last several months.
I found that it was difficult to maintain eye contact with her…she had this almost pained, concerned expression while she listened…I’m sure it’s the “face” she puts on for all of her clients…no matter what they say! But I went through as best I could, I cried, I expressed some of my anger, and my pain, and even found that I do have some guilt about where I am, and what I’m doing. This is surprising to me. I didn’t think I truly had any…where did that come from? I am seeing her again next week, I probably will for a while…I know I need to be in a better place, this much is true…
She said some things that were important as well; that I am “normal”…lol… I wanted to tell her to put the crack pipe down…normal…sheesh…she also said that what I’m feeling is natural; that being angry and hurt, and reaching out to other people is a normal reaction to being in my situation…she told me to put all my own judgments aside…this is difficult!
Of course she hadn’t read my Blog yet…so this next visit should be an eye opener for me, I’m sure she’ll have her “face” on when I arrive and look to see what her reaction is to this and to me. To the reality of me….
She also asked how I felt about using medication in conjunction with my therapy…OMG…I nixed that one rather quickly. I know what the Zoloft has done to my husband, and sex is very important to me, so I told her this. But in thinking about it afterwards, I realized that there’s more to my reasoning. I know that I don’t want to do this part of my life medicated…That I want to feel everything…that I need to feel alive no matter what; the pleasure and the pain let me know that I’m real. So for now at least I will skip the meds and see how it goes. I will use whatever coping skills I have and try and develop new ones with her to help to get me through this.
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Posted by 2ndchildhood on 2008-01-02 09:20:10 | Rating: | Views: 65
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Don't rule out meds. They don't have to mask your feelings. They can actually give you the ability to keep your head above water while you access deeper feelings that you might otherwise not be able to handle without the help of meds. Lots of meds that don't have sexual side-effects. Try without, but don't be afraid to use them, even briefly, during this process. Good luck to you. I'll be cheering for you!
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Posted by lippshaw
on 2008-01-02 09:49:35
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I agree totally with your thinking. There are many other options before turning to meds ... Of course some times meds are necessary but I feel they should be used as a last resort. I have found meditation helpful. In my area meditation classes are offered (quite reasonably) at the community college and at some of the local hospitals. I have also heard acupuncture helps but have never tried it ... but I would try it before turning to meds. Even when we feel our choices are limited they are not. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-01-02 12:02:28
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