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We are now in the last weeks of November, heading towards the Holidays. Chris' and my relationship is about 3 months old, and is going well. Then he starts to say things...in rather intimate moments, that I'm not sure how to respond to, or am not sure that I'm even supposed to respond to! For instance one day he says; "IloveyouIloveyourbodyIloveeverythingaboutyou". This is how it comes out...it's said very fast, almost a blur, lol, and I'm standing there not sure what I'm supposed to say. It is during an intimate moment, during foreplay, and I don't say anything mostly because it has taken my by surprise. But it sticks with me...then a few weeks later we are having drinks in a restaurant, getting ready to leave, and he asks me; "do you ever worry about feeling too much in this relationship"? I answer quickly and honestly; "no, not at all, because I feel very safe with you, and I trust you". I am assuming that he is just checking to see where I'm at with my feelings in regards to this affair. I am fine.
Then we leave and later, again when we are intimate he asks me "do you know how much I love you"? Again said quickly, and so I don't say anything...am I supposed to respond? Am I supposed to stop and say, "no, I don't, why don't you tell me"? LOL...I don't know what to say, so I say nothing...there's a pattern here...lol...and I don't analyze these things as I am living in the moment...the questions don't occur to me until later...
Now these last comments happen on a Tuesday, and he is leaving town on Thursday for 10 days vacation and will be out of town. On Wednesday morning I get to thinking about this. Did he ask about me feeling too much in the relationship because he was checking on me? Or did I just blow right by him with a solid answer that perhaps he wasn't expecting and stop him from saying that he did? Why didn't I think to ask him back? Hellooooo??? How am I missing all of this? Sheesh...
So Wednesday I compose an email asking if he had concerns about feeling too much, and trying to reassure him that we are both safe in this relationship no matter how or what we feel, this is good. But I don't commit to anything serious here...I don't give any big proclamations of love...because I'm still not sure of what he was looking for there...I'm feeling very confused at this point...and I know he's leaving tomorrow. The timing could not be worse.
So the next morning I check my email and there's nothing. No notes in chat, and no text message...uh-oh...I'm not feeling very warm and fuzzy right now. Did I say something wrong? Did I probe too deeply here? I'm not sure. I'm truly hating the fact that we don't at least talk on the phone.
I finally see him in chat, and we both say "Hi", but it feels uncomfortable. We say we're going to miss each other, and I even tell him that I'm sad he's leaving...at one point I'm just staring at the screen unsure of what to say...I wish he had answered my email...I can't read his f***ing mind! After a few minutes he says he has to go, time for him to leave...Bye...
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Posted by 2ndchildhood on 2007-12-20 02:50:36 | Rating: | Views: 60
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