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I figured this would be a good point to talk a bit about my weight loss. I have mentioned it a few times, and it's become important to me. I have lost 56 pounds to date now, and I'm very proud of this. I still have another 35-40 more to go, but I'm past the half way point to my goal!
I have done this on my own; there is no by-pass surgery, which I had considered in the past, no weight watchers, no nutrisystem, no work out partner, nothing but me and some common sense.
This has been one of the positive by-products of my journey. It comes from my grief, my pain, my anger, my hate, my love, my passion, it comes from all of the deepest parts of me. It is what drives me.
I made the decision to do this, and just did it...I started by walking, each morning and each night. It gave me time to myself to think and try and work things out in my mind. I could barely make it down the street when I started. I began watching what I ate. I watched calories and fat content, I ate more often, but much healthier meals. I didn't eat after 6pm. (that still is the tough one for me) I didn't buy low fat, or diet foods...there's still too much junk in them, and it's sometimes hard to discern what's truly good for you.
I got bored with walking...lol...and after losing some of the weight I actually wanted to run at times! I bought this industrial strength exercise bra (a necessity for me, I am full-figured with a healthy bustline) that is like a mid-evil torture device...OMG...it allowed me to run, but I was still too heavy and started getting shin-splints...I wasn't there yet even if I felt like it.
So I went on Craig's list and bought a bike for $40. such a deal...lol...and I rode each morning and each evening. I also was using our home gym a few days a week. It was summer (June/July) when I started all of this. I would be sweaty when I got home, so I would strip, jump in the pool and swim a few laps if I was up to it. The pounds were dropping off, my clothes were fitting loosely, and my energy level was up...I was feeling better than I had in years!
I got bored with biking...yes...I have a hard time sticking with one thing for a long time...but there's this mountain range by my house, it's big enough to be a focal point in my back yard...you really can't miss it...I started eyeballing it...it looks huge, ok, it is huge, but I'm thinking I can take the smaller one, the mountain that's closest to the house.
So one day when I'm feeling really strong, I set out for it. I can walk to it, it's only a few blocks away. I get there and start up the trail...omg...it's much steeper when you are actually there! it takes me 30 minutes and several stops to get to the top...but the view is beautiful...and I have done it! I'm hooked...So now I am hiking this mountain each morning. I stop the evening walks as the hike is about to kill me...lol...I'm getting plenty of exercise. But after a month I'm looking to the second mountain...a bigger one. I wait for a day when I'm feeling strong, I like to succeed...I climb the first one; I'm making it in 20 minutes now. I rest for a few minutes and head for #2...this one is longer, but not as steep...it takes me 30 minutes to get to the top, but I'm there, and the views are even better! So now I'm climbing 2 mountains a day...lol...this is great! I'm plugged into my ipod, I'm dancing, I'm crying, I'm laughing, I'm screaming, I have named this range "mount discretion". I can tell my mountains anything, and they will never tell a soul. I can trust them with my secrets, and anything else that I want to.
I am happiest on these mountains...I love starting my day this way whether it's bad or it's good...some days I just don't want to go, but I do...I know I'll feel better when I get there. I have been working out 7 days a week for several months now.
If you know anything about me by now, then you know that I'm looking at the 3rd mountain soon, I feel like it's teasing me from my backyard everytime I go out there, it has a radio tower on the top, and I can see it day or night...I again wait for a strong day, I hike the first 2...easy breezy...lol..I still have a stop a few times to catch my breath, but I'm all good.
Now I know that this mountain is over a 1400 foot climb, and is listed on the "strenuous" list for the city I live in...but I also know that I am fit now even with the extra pounds I still need to drop. I start up the 3rd mountian, and OMG...it's further and steeper than the other two combined! I think I'm going to die...and this is on a "strong" day! I can't tell you how many times I have to stop...and I lose the trail about half way up...the brush is getting thicker, it's scratching my arms and legs, but I don't care...part of it's mountain climbing practically, this is no walk in the park! It takes me 3 hours total time to get there and back...I finally get to the top...unbelievable views up there...360 degrees of the whole city! I'm having my "Rocky" moment! I can hear the music, I am dancing, my arms are in ther air!!! I DID IT!
And then it happens...I hear voices...who the hell is on MY mountain??? I conquered it, it's mine!!! So I walk over to the other side...I'm devastated...there's a graded road...(duh! How did I think they got to the radio tower???) there are people climbing out of a mini-van about half way up, and they are headed in my direction. I wait; I am out of breath, and sweaty, but I want to know what they are doing there. I talk to a few of them and find out that they are part of a "hikingclub". They drive half way up the graded road, walk the rest of the way up, and take pictures....I'm ready to kill them...my bubble has been burst so quickly!
So I head back down the way I came...no graded roads for me! I'm thinking about all this as I go, and I came to this conclusion...they aren't fucking hikers....lol...I am...and they missed the best part of the experience! They didn't get to see what I did on the way up; they didn't get to smell the creosote bush (smells like rain in the desert) that I did, they didn't see all the birds and little creatures that crossed at my feet, they didn't get to enjoy the same views that I did, and they certainly didn't feel the manzanita bush that took off half my leg on the way up! So I am still happy to have been there and to have conquered "mount discretion" on my own.
I now hike all three of these mountains almost every day. I get it done in an hour and a half, total time. I still have many days when I don't feel like it, but I still do it. It's a great time for me to vent, to talk to my mountain (myself...lol) to be whatever I am that day...
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Posted by 2ndchildhood on 2007-12-29 00:10:51 | Rating: | Views: 82
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Good for you. I don't know you, but I am proud of you!
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2007-12-29 01:31:03
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It just goes to show, when we make a decision to do something the universe conspires to make it happen. You don't have to know the how, you just have to have clear intention and the universe will take over. Just believe.
I would assume you will have more self esteem and self-confidence once you are at your ideal weight.
After the weight loss do you think you will still date married men or will you have the confidence to go out and choose a man you can have all to yourself?
I want you to know I'm not judging I'm just asking.
I'm very proud of you for the weight loss, that takes a huge amount of courage to lose that much weight.
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-12-29 02:24:56
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You are an inspiration!Bless you!
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-12-29 02:28:36
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TJ...here's the deal;I am married too, and I am having an affair. If you read my blogs from the beginning it's all there...
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Posted by 2ndchildhood
on 2007-12-29 02:41:37
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I guess I didnt go back far enough. I did read quite a few tho'
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-12-29 11:39:59
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"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." -- Louisa May Alcott
Congratulations on the weight loss. I'm proud of you and will continue to cheer you on as you evolve body, mind and spirit.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2007-12-29 19:38:49
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I love that quote! I put it on my desktop to remind myself that I am still learning, and not to be afraid...
Thanks for all the support here, it's much appreciated...I feel inspired and honored that some of you have an interest in my story and my struggle to come to terms with myself, my life, and the many changes I'm going through...
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Posted by 2ndchildhood
on 2007-12-30 02:49:44
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That is awesome... very much the role model.
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Posted by DouglasMB
on 2008-01-18 13:34:01
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