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Well, I went with the 2nd email, the more conservative one. Why? I'll tell you why; because it was safer. Because I fear losing what I have with Chris and know that I'm teetering on the edge now...if this relationship were to go too, I would fall...very hard, and it would hurt...a lot...and I can't do that right now. But it seems to have been the right decision...the following is the response I got back from him. Minus some of the more fun/graphic stuff at the end...lol
Hey Sexy,
It was my pleasure to rearrange my schedule a bit, and well worth it as you are such wonderful company......and..... well wow.... just HOT......
I am so glad you are feeling better and life is back to normal and that we are good :-D as that makes me happy.......
My trip to Colorado was good, a bit on the cold side and it snowed off and on the whole time we were there.....lol and we have to go back next Friday so we can make a final decision on what location we will build our next Data Center.... but if all goes well then no trip to CA will be needed......lol it's much warmer there :-)
Hope you have a great night and I will be online most of the night as I have several conf. call tonight..... last one will end at 1am so if you want to chat a bit i am here.
Love you *****
So we seem to be back on track...
I still have so many things bouncing around in my brain, but I do have to say that I'm much calmer now. When I know that all is well with this relationship, I can be ok, the rest of the time I'm a mess.
Can we say "needy"? Needy, needy, needy! I never was like this before...
Before this; I was confident, balanced, seemingly happy, successful, everything was fine. I had everything that I thought I wanted. I have a nice home, nice things, a good family; if a somewhat distant husband, I was starting a new business that I was excited about... I was ok...now it all seems to be nothing that I want or care about...
On the plus side? I have made an appointment for Monday morning to see a counselor. To see what I can salvage of my life, and more importantly of myself. I only hope that she's good...very good. She called today and seems to be very nice, very understanding. Of course I couldn't tell her everything...there were too many people in the house at the time. But I will find a way to say all that I have to when we meet on Monday...you know if you've read all of this that I have issues with communicating the things that I have to say. I almost wish I could just hand her a printout of this blog...it would be so much easier. But maybe there will be some healing in the talking process for me. Maybe she will help me find some of the answers that I know reside in me but that I can't seem to find on my own right now. Maybe I can start to care about what's important again, maybe I can rebuild what's missing in me, maybe I can find me again....
My life is so full of maybe's, isn't it?
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Posted by 2ndchildhood on 2007-12-28 22:07:16 | Rating: | Views: 75
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During my time of crisis I wrote volumes. When I finally made an appointment to talk to someone I printed it all out and gave it to her during our first session. She didn't read it right then and there but read it over for our next session. I always say knowledge is power ... the more a counselor knows about your situation the better equipped she will be to help you. My counselor even thanked me for being so organized.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2007-12-28 22:17:52
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That's a good thing to know! Maybe I will take a page from your book and do the same...but I also know I need to talk...I've been mute way too long.
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Posted by 2ndchildhood
on 2007-12-28 22:48:41
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