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There is much to tell right now, but I will have to back fill starting tomorrow. In the mean time, I’m getting this on here while I have some time, and it’s fresh in my mind…
So here’s the latest; Chris left the country for 2 ½ weeks for his work, he canceled on me at 11pm the night before he was to meet with me the day he was leaving…. via email. Nice, huh? I had already sent him a text several hours earlier asking about the meeting so I could plan things, and he didn’t answer until then, so that’s what I find when I wake up.
I’m hurt (it happens every time) and I’m angry…I am back on the websites in a big way. I’m so not gonna wait for him anymore. I already have one man in my life that I can’t depend on, that’s not there, and I don’t need another one! So a few days pass and I go into a chat room on one of the sites…I don’t do it often, but I am lonely and looking to kill time. I start a few chats, and actually have one going with a 38 yo that seems very nice…we take it to a private chat room and exchange pics…he is nice looking as well! So we chat for a few days, all is going well, and I’m excited at the prospect of this new younger, handsome man…I’m saying “Chris who”? at this point…lol…
We agree to meet for drinks, and again things go well; he looks much better in person than he did in his pic! And he talks! He communicates! He is open, warm and friendly…now of course I’m comparing this with Chris, who is much more reserved, and extremely cautious; we know he won’t talk on the phone!
After a few hours we both have to leave; I have enjoyed meeting him; he’s fun, he’s good looking, he’s 38…lol…he walks me to my car, and we are still talking, but he is a bit on the shyer side, so I finally ask him; “so what do you think”…(is he attracted enough to want to kiss me, see me again, whatever) he says he likes me, is interested, and is standing inside my comfort bubble…so I lean in and kiss him…I feel bold! It starts off soft and nice, but heats up within a few minutes…we are in the middle of the parking lot making out! I feel no guilt…it’s fun and exciting again, the endorphins are happy at work in my head. We eventually climb into the backseat of my car; from there things heat up even more, our hands are roaming, we are exploring and finding each other, and just barely staying within the parameters of what can safely be done in the backseat of a car in a public parking lot!
We finally break away and leave to go home….I stop and straighten myself before going into the house; hubby again doesn’t even notice….sheesh…this is too easy at times.
Later I slip into chat; and there he’s left a note; he is wowed! He is excited, wants to see me again…lol…I feeling the same…
So we agree to meet a few days later; very early in the morning, before he has to be at work. This will be for sex it’s clear, and I don’t care. It’s been a few weeks and I need release…Chris bailed on me, I’m angry and disappointed, I want to be touched, I want to feel good. I am an endorphin junkie…
The next morning I am thinking that I barely know this man, and that this is not the safest thing I’ve ever done! But it’s not compelling enough to stop me. We will only have an hour or so, so it will take place in my car…my car is getting a work out this year! At the last minute I grab a knife from my kitchen and put it in the pocket on the back of the front seat; I have easy access to it if for some reason this guy turns out to be a real creep at the last minute. I like to think I’m a good judge of character, but everyone makes mistakes, and I’m always one to hedge my bets.
On the way there, he actually calls me to make sure I’m not lost, and that I’m ok with this…a man who can call…it makes me think I’m in the wrong place with Chris again.
I won’t go into detail here, but we do have sex; it’s not great…it’s ok. I have found that first times are never great; there are too many nerves involved, and the comfort level is just not there. He is gentle and nice, but not overly exciting…
On the way home I know that this won’t happen again…I’m not interested enough and figure he isn’t either. I am right, I don’t hear from him again, but I’m fine with that and actually a bit relieved. It's a hit and run, a one night stand...I haven't had or done one of these in more than 28 years, and now I remember why.
I find that I’m feeling a little guilt about this afterwards in regards to Chris; I do have feelings for him, I do have a certain kind of love for him. I feel no guilt for hubby at this point. Odd isn’t it?
I have heard from Chris a few times since he left. His texting isn’t working from so far away, but we have been chatting when we can. Then another odd thing happens…suddenly he’s right there all the time…emailing me things, chatting, he gets his texting to work…. it’s like he has radar…I’m wondering what the deal is…what’s going on now???
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Posted by 2ndchildhood on 2008-01-30 07:08:42 | Rating: | Views: 25
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