No one wanted the dinner I cooked....seems to be par for the course around here, yet when asked for suggestions.....no one has any.  We ate MRE's which weren't too bad.....far from the yummy noises Scott was making..........that I wish he would make after just one of my meals.  Monkey wanted McDonalds after trying and eating some of her meal.....and Scott got up and went.  Very unlike him.  He didn't ask if anyone wanted to go with.....he just got up and went.  He was gone for just about an hour..........give me a break!  It doesn't take that long to drive to fucking McDonalds.....I asked in my nicest way....what took so long.......nothing but "it was busy".   Is he just waiting to see how long I will stick it out?

I fall asleep watching TV, monkey wakes me up when she is going to bed.  I fall back asleep and Scott wakes me up to come to bed. 

He puts on some comedy stand up stuff........both of us facing the wrong way on the bed.  I fall asleep.........I awaken to very nice touches.....very specific, but nice touches.  My body begins to respond and he tells me to move over and removes his underwear........and the lays back.  I guess I was done?????  He just wanted to wake me up so I would blow him.  He never touched me again........I sat up and placed his hand on my breast.....pretty clear sign I would think, he just rested it there.  I stopped touching him so he began touching himself........one of his complaints about Liz is that she got to the point that she didn't want sex........If that means she didn't want to blow him and have him roll over no kiss, no good night, no nothing......I am starting to see why.  I return to touching him, but I only use my mouth for a very brief time......I wonder why he woke me up?????  It wasn't to pleasure me.  It wasn't to make me feel good, safe, loved, or cared about.  I get on top of him.......backwards.....Which is an issue for me....why does he rarely LOOK at me?????  He is done withing 5 seconds....and when he is done....thats all folks.  I have expressed the feelings this leaves me with.  Sexual frustration, not being important, or cared about.  It just doesn't matter........which really is too bad.  

I feel myself shutting down.  The tears aren't flowing like they were.  The anger is building.  I don't want to be an angry person.  I want to be a loved person.  Someone who loves back......not just someone who loves.....who is fighting the love.  

Never in my life have I felt like a used, dirty tramp....as I do right now.