It all started back in 1983.

I had just recently left my first husband. Very unhappy situation there. Moved back home and back in with my Mom. Who had just the year before been divorced from my Dad. She was going thru a wild time in her life, same as me. She being 35 at the time, me being 19.

I started seeing my high school sweetheart again. Then wound up pregos. He split. I stayed pregos. Mom met a real jerk, who ended up staying in our lives for 23 years.

Had my kiddo, most special thing in the world to me. Met a guy, moved in with him, found out he had a serious drug and alcohol problem, booted him to the curb.

Life is rough, having a job, paying almost more to the babysitter than what I was bringing in. But, even so having a wonderful life with my daughter. But still very hard, trying to give my daughter what she needed and providing for myself. I needed some serious help.

Met another guy, cousin to jerk Mom ended up staying with. Decided ok this can work. Married him, and his 2 kids. Had my tubes tied after birth of my daughter because I didnt want anymore kids. Then I married someone with 2????? Someone should have slapped me really hard!

Thought this would be a good situation, talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Lived at or below poverty level for the longest time. Most times had no heat in the house save for the fireplace in the living room. Had jobs from time to time, that didnt work, when I had a job then the hubby would quit his. Had no other place to go so I stayed there.

Years go by.

I raised all 3 kids to the best of my ability. Gave them all the love that children need to have. The step kids weren't very accepting of that. Altho, when the oldest had her children she came to realize what I had done for them and we became very good friends. We lost her 5 years ago in a car wreck. Am still dealing with that on a day to day basis, even tho I have to admit that in the last 2 years it has gotten better.

Met someone that totally changed my thoughts on life and love. He was in a situation that prevented us from being together at the time. No he isnt and wasn't married.

My Mom finally left the jerk, 2 days after doing so he committed suicide. This being after almost 10 years of having 3 failed back surgeries and being severely addicted to prescription meds. He was also a recovering alcoholic. Not a good combination.

During this time or I should say before this time, she had fallen and broken her leg. I got her out of the house just about 3 months after doing this. Which is a good thing, the jerk had been planning on taking her out then committing suicide. We figured this all out from what he had been telling her prior to me getting her out and from what he said to his parents after we left.

When he did this, we had to come back to take care of business. So, with her still being incapacitated, and neither of us wanting to stay in the house he had desecrated by killing himself in a violent manner (he shot himself in the head), we had to move back into the house with my "husband".

So now its 2 years later. Mom recovered from her broken leg for the most part. She still has trouble with it. She is diabetic which explains a lot. She also has COPD and has previously (12 years ago) had a heart attack. She is now on oxygen, and needs me with her. To take proper care of her, I don't work. And am dependent on him for money and such.

We now have the son living here with his girlfriend. He is married and left his wife last year. And things go from bad to worse.

Meanwhile I sit and wait for my turn to have a life.