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I fear that my Noodle father is now living the last days of his life. I know that in actuality, we all are in a sense. I mean, you know, from the moment that we draw our first breath, we are on the path to drawing our last. Daunting thought isn't it? Just between you and me, sometimes it scares the crap out of me. But then, such is life.
I sent him a text this evening hoping to talk to him for a moment. Don't really know why, other than the fact that, soon, or maybe not so soon, who knows, I wont have my father there to reach out to. Now that is a daunting thought.
Hmmmmmm, looks like this is a new word for me. Daunting, don't know where the heck it came from, just seemed appropriate for this one here.
Anyway, I sent him a text, to which he replied that he was alone, but that he was to tired to even text, and forget about the laptop, he cant even pick it up anymore, when last week he did talk to me a couple times via IM.
I just really have the sense that I am going to lose him in the very very near future, and damn it, I am not ready to do this. I mean my gosh, I have only had him in my life for 17 years. The 28Th of this month will be 18. Not nearly long enough. Even tho he chose not to be in my life when I was growing up, that is OK, things happen for a reason. I understand that this is happening for a reason, but I would really have liked a little more time with him. We didn't talk on the phone every single day, didn't even talk on the computer every day either. There were sometimes months that would go by that we didn't talk. But that was OK, I knew that he was there. Now I am going to know that he isn't. And this makes it far worse than when I didn't know him or even where he was. I'm not ready to lose my father.
Then theres Mom, we are still waiting to get her into another doctor, and she is still experiencing nausea and such, altho good to say, it isn't frequent like it was. It has calmed down some. Thank goodness. But I feel the sense of urgency here, and am powerless to be able to force things along.
I am just all up in the air right now. Not knowing which way to turn. And this really sucks. I hate not having more control than what I have.
Oh well, what will be will be, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend.
Hugs to all, and sorry to be so damn depressing.
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Posted by 1221dol0306 on 2008-09-19 02:35:19 | Rating: | Views: 28
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Please don't apologize for being depressing....you're not depressing. You have a lot to deal with right now ill health with both of your parents...that's a tough spot to be in. If you need anything please let me know. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-09-19 07:57:01
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Thank you sweetie, I do appreciate all of that.
My rope is tied, in multiple places and I've taken up swinging. Since I gotta hang in here for a bit, might as well have a little fun with it huh?
Currently Im attempting to do what I used to as a child, see if I can make my toes touch the sky! ;) :)
Hugs!
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Posted by 1221dol0306
on 2008-09-19 12:07:29
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