"Another day has gone I'm still all alone How could this be You're not here with me"

Michael has gone more than 3 weeks. Exactly 3 weeks and 3 days. 3 days ago I was so broken and I felt like a half-dead. I was not myself. As I'm not myself since 25 June. And it's just get worse.
Lot of people -who can't understand how it feels, I think- say "Time will heal the pain."
But I don't think so. I think the Time is the most evil thing on this World. It only passing away, don't stop, and it hurts everyone. And it lies. It lie, it will heal. But I think time is such less for heal that pain what I feel. What we feel. No.
Now I have to write again, as I did every day. But I don't share everything here, what I write. Why? Cause it's too much. Yesterday, when I get home at 1:00 am, I couldn't sleep, I felt so bad. I get a paper, and a pen, and started to write. I wrote 9 pages. But it's never enough, I can't really let my feelings out. It's better after I write down what I feel at the moment, but after, or on the next day I have to write again. Now I write here.
I listening MJ again. The 'You are not alone' right now. Before, I always had to dance and sing when I listened his songs. I imagined it, Michael is there with me, and we dance together...... it always made me so happy. I was such a happy person. I really was. When I had bad days, and I was very upset, I just turn on MJ's music, and I felt better, I forgot my problems. When I had good days, and I was happy, I do it also, and I enjoyed, dance and sing in my room, and just get better and better, it (he) was my extasy.... great times..
But now, after he passed away, everything has a new meaning. I still love him, as before, if not more. But now, I listen his music for a new reason also:
I MISS HIM.
And when I'm listening his music, it feels like he's here with me. It make me better. But I have to cry. As now..............

"You never said goodbye Someone tell me why Did you have to go And leave my world so cold"

When I first heard MJ, I was 2, as my parents told me.
But I think, the first time when I feel in love, I was 7. When I heard first the 'Smooth Criminal'. Maybe I heard it before too, but then I didn't care about music. But I can remember so clear, when I was 7..
.....1999, I'm in my parents' room. I'm playing, but I hear the TV's voice from the background.. I don't look at the TV. But once, I hear the first beats of the Smooth Criminal.................. I put my eyes on the TV. As I remember, I put down everything, sit down, and watch the video with open mouth. I fell in love then..........
And that was the first song, what I upload to my new mobile phone 2 years ago..OMG, and when I was so young, I always tried to do the moonwalk.... I never learnt to do it as well as our Michael.... but I think nobody can do it as him...
Now, near 10 years later I'm still in love. But it's not a good time. Cause I lost my love.
And, I've remorse.  Why? Cause I had to keep my feelings inside of me. My friends here, don't like Michael. And they don't like people who likes different things than them. There was some people who knew, how much I love him, but they don't like it also. And I had to keep it as a secret, if I wanted to keep my friends... I never said "I love Michael" to them. But, anyway I didn't say that I don't. Then, I didn't lie. I just didn't say the truth, but didn't say a lie also. I had much things about Michael, my posters, and every stuff I have, I put them to a safe place. Where just I knew, where are they.. And I just listened Michael at home.........
But now, I lost Michael. And I cannot keep the feelings inside, cause I would go insane. And I lost my friends. Cause they realize what am I really. I told them, I'm in a very bad condition, I've pain, and deep sorrow and mourn in my heart.. and I said, please, support me, cause you're my friends... But, they left me. There was a girl, who always said she's my best friend, exactly laughed into my face. And they all get mad at me. And now I'm as lonely as I never was.
But, fortunately I've new friends. Even if not here around me. My new best friend is the real BEST FRIEND in my life. She understands me. She always there for me. She loves me. And she supports me. And, she didn't left me on the floor, when everyone did. I love her. There was just one person, who I loved this much, it was my Angel, Michael. But he leaved. Now I have 1 Angel on this Earth, and I can't thank God enough, to give her to me.

"Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay"

Well. Now, I think about Michael, and I know, he's on a better place now. Where NOBODY CAN HURT HIM. It's very important. Cause the media, and a lot of people hurt him very much. And that is so painful to me, they still can't leave him alone........WHY CAN'T THEY LET HIM TO REST IN PEACE????
It's easy to say bad things about somebody, who already can't defend himself!!!!! F*ck all journalist, f*ck the media and last but not least, the evil, heartless people who hurt, and still hurt him..........Oh and I forgot, f*ck the murderer, (Dr.) Conrad Murray who killed my Angel. I know, I swear he did. And he will get his penalty. I guarantee. And I put the 'Dr.' into a parenthesis, cause HE WASN'T A DOCTOR, HE ISN'T A DOCTOR AND HE NEVER WILL.

"But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone"

And another thing what I want to let out, the feel what I feel for the hypocritical people. There is a lot people -I know a lot here, too- who didn't like Michael before. Who didn't respect, didn't care about his work when he was alive. And who laughed at him, and called him 'Wacko Jacko'. I hate it. And who believed every bullshit what the media said. And now, these people says "OMG I can't believe it!, Ah, dear, oh rest in peace, oh how much I loved him, ooh I listening his music right now"
HEYYYY YOU THINK IT IS A FASHION????????????????????????????

I can't understand this people. And I don't think that, they really love Michael. Okay, I accept, there's people, who just be his fan not for long time. But I think, they didn't laughed at Michael before, and they liked his music before also, but now, they realize what we lost. And they really like him, as the old fans. But that people, who I talked about before, they don't. But I don't know why people make a fashion, of Michael's death. I hate this. It hurts.

"Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin"

Okay, now I finish. I didn't write down everything what I want, but I don't want to write a book here. Maybe I'll write again today.
If you read the whole text, I'm happy, and I hope you agree. Oh, but if you're from THAT people, please.."Leave me alone".

Bye all MJ fans, my friends.

"Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone..."