| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| after Michael Jackson's Memorial.. feelings and th |
Yeah. I'm processing. Sitting here front of the computer and writing, cause it makes me better. And now I really need to feel better. Yesterday was Michael Jackson's memorial, and I'm still under the effect of that, it was.... sorry, i'm really speakless, there's no good word for it, how was it.
And I have to say thanks for CNN International for the great broadcasting, without breaks, it was so good, the 4 hour seemed at though it was only 4 minutes....
I cried from the first second till the last second of the memorial. But there were many parts, where I cried harder, for example when they bring Michael's cascet in, and when they take it out... when Brooke Shields spoke, she said really beautiful things, for example when she said
“We need to look up, where he is undoubtedly perched in a crescent moon and we need to smile.”
It was the 2nd of the most beautiful parts of the memorial.
Because the first was, when Paris Katherine spoke. It was the most heart-smothering, the most painful, and even the most beautiful part of the whole celebration. She said:
"I just wanted to say ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine. And I just want to say I love him so much."
I have to cry if I just think about this few second, when she spoke. I'm crying now also, I cried yesterday a lot.... I really can't accept and cannot process what happened.. Why Michael?? What did he do in his life whereat he has to leave?? Was he a bad person? Nope!!... If he was a bad person, would he help a lot, would he give that much love to the World, would he made Neverland, would he.....ah... NOPE! He was a great person if not the greatest. And I think he didn't deserve that he had to leave us. But he deserve this wonderful Memorial. He deserve all of our respect.
My heart sank if I think about his children. I really want to help, I really want to give my hand, I wanna support them, but for them I'm only a fan. Maybe it's true, and it's the right, to support them in my soul, from the far, they have enough problem... But I pray for them all night, like I pray for Michael also, and light a candle every midnight. I ask God to care about Michael there, and let him to rest, rest in peace, let him to FIND the peace, to find the quiescence what he didn't find in his life... and I ask God, to care about his children also, cause they had lot of problems, and unfortunately they'll have more, cause everyone (the media for example....) always forget they're CHILDREN. But I know the family will solve this, after a time.
I really admire all the Jackson family, everyone, but I scruple Joe Jackson, Michael's father... in truth, I think he had to say something to HIS SON, but he didn't. He didn't say anything, neither "I love you" or "Rest in Peace"...no...absolutely NOTHING. It was so inaccurate. But he knows... I don't really know why, God sees his heart.
Yeah, meanwhile it's Thursday... quarter to one. Today, Michael leaved us for 2 weeks.
People always say "Time heals the pain". But it's just more painful and more unbearable. I really don't know... I think time does not heal the pain. Maybe just the intensity of the pain and sorrow, but i think time never heal it really. It's too hard, nothing can help it.
I'm still sitting here, and writing. It' better now, perhaps I can sleep a little tonight. I hope that, cause I didn't sleep enought at the last weeks, at the last days. I cannot. I'm not in the right mood to sleep, and if I fall asleep I wake up so soon or i really can't sleep good.
Now I'm listening "You are not alone". And I think about Michael. He was such a lonely person in his life. But now, you're really not alone, Michael. There's only good people around you there, in the Heaven... It's a much better place than where we're. And it's just so much the worse without you...
But yeah, as in the song "Smile" what was Michael's favourite, we have to........
"Smile, though your heart is aching"
I try to smile, Michael, I try to smile but it's so hard. I just still don't know what should I do with this empty space what you left.... I really don't know. But I have to say thanks. Thanks for you were here with us and for you'll be with us forever.
And now, please let me to say goodbye with Michael's wonderful words. This is the part of the "Will you be there". Michael say everything. From his heart, to us. And now my short answer for these words:
Yes..
"In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tripulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart."
I love you Michael. Endlessly.
Good night...
(Meanwhile the candle goes out......)
|
|
Posted by 0Jailbird0 on 2009-07-08 19:23:08 | Rating: | Views: 45
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 