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Have you ever felt nothing at all? Strange thing it is, feeling completly blank and empty, it's like when you are asleep and do not dream, only you are awake and aware of it. I didn't have an opinion on it, or any thoughts on it. Opinions and thoughts create emotions, which I did not have. Sounds and visual objects have no meaning, because if they did I would have taken notice to them and understood. Strangely enough I liked feeling nothing. I liked feeling as if I was almost infinate because I couldn't make any connection with touch and sounds and seeing things or smelling or tasting them. It was better than feeling that same type of fear repeated in a new, different and intensifyed way.
I'm going to get to a point of some sort. It's name is Karen and I want it gone. I like being alone. I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing it existing within me past my eyes. I hate seeing my eyes flicker and I smile but knowing I didn't mean too. To be honest Karen is not one of my top priorities. I try to forget about it whenever possible. Times I want to see it, it isn't there. But when it is I know and I want it gone. It's weird being in an alternate state of mind without being under the influence of alcohol or drugs. It's weird knowing Karen controls and knows what I think and what information is within my reach of comprehending and getting deeper into. Karen is not of higher power, but of higher intelligence. It's here to proove my theorys true or false, and I'm being used to finish what it couldn't. I am Karen's tool. You don't bite the hand that feeds you, so what can I do but enjoy being used this way, it's enlightening, and I am still me.
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Posted by 0110x on 2008-07-18 01:35:07 | Rating: | Views: 33
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